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Sunday, 22 March 2015

I misquote a famous thinker

Often I find myself talking to my mother in my head...what doyou think of this shirt?  I just read a book you would love...Maddy said the cutest thing!

In spite of the Norman Batesness of this, I am really glad that I still feel such a connection to her, and that it seems natural to share things with her.  I always could, in the same way that I could always count on being able to check out the wisdom of my ideas or plans with my dad.  It's not that they had different parenting roles, but it did seem to break down that way with me.  Even as a parent myself, I still had them to share things with and to get feedback.

Mum and Dad on a visit to England
I was about to say that it's lonely after your parents die, and that's true, but an even clearer thought is that it's comforting in a way to be lonely, to miss something that was really good in your life.   It's comforting to work out your reactions to issues by imagining the discussion you could have with your parents, how their wisdom could still influence you or how their sense of humour would still be so clear in your mind that you'd know what would make them laugh.

My dad was a truly awful punster.  He could never resist, nor could he tell you a pun without lighting himself up with the pleasure.  When I was a kid, I used to hope I'd grow out of sharing what I saw as a base form of humour, but I still kind of bookmark puns I would tell him if he were here.

I'm not sure what has propelled me into this nostalgia-laden story, but it makes me happy to realize that, to badly paraphrase Einstein, time really seems to be a river you can dip your toes into at any stage. 


  1. Lovely. No fair making people cry at work though.

  2. I don't usually talk to Mom in my head (unless I'm doing a meditation/visualization), but thanks to you, I'm going to start. It sounds like a lovely idea.

  3. I don't know what it is but there has been a certain air of melancholia around me lately regarding late parents.
    I've been feeling that way too.
    I'm always a little envious of people who have had good relationships with both parents. My mom was my touchstone until she wasn't, and then she died. We never repaired things and although I have no regrets, I do have a hole where I feel that something is missing. Maybe it's just a normal hole. I dunno.
    Your dad looked a little like Grizzly Adams, which isn't a bad thing.