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Thursday, 9 December 2010

A funny thing happened on the way to my golden age

Actually, several strange things happened, in no particular reporting order:
  • Dave became interested in every form of domestic decision that ever gets made at our house
  • I started to see my mother in shop windows, realizing with a thump that I was in fact seeing myself
  • The knees that were an invisible unprepossessing part of my body  became the sometimes throbbing centre of my universe
  • My glasses became the thing people could safely compliment me for
  • Everybody except me in Starbucks would be carded if they were drinking wine instead of coffee
  • Flat shoes, as long as they have some shine and/or glitter have taken on a whole new glamour
  • People who used to say I was too young to have kids that old, are telling me how I'm holding up so well
  • At a party, someone in the room says "fuck!" and everyone tells me they're sorry
  • Wielding a broom today has the same effect as carrying two cases of beer for 10 blocks 20 years ago
  • At the cosmetic counter, no one ever points me to the sparkly pink gloss anymore
  • I buy it anyway then the next day, I try to make my daughters take it
  • When I buy jeans, the waist size is bigger than the hip size used to be
  • Things I used to do for fun are now things I do if I've overindulged
  • "If I've overindulged" has become a euphemism for "I've had two, no three, glasses of wine" or more than four sugars in my coffee
  • My income has decreased by 75% and my needs have increased by the same amount
  • People actually listen to my advice and I therefore give it more often
  • I used to exercise judgment but now I apparently never know when to stop
Unless you're counting now.

9 comments:

  1. Great list, Lorna. I think #1 is a sign of Dave's aging -- which, of course, goes along with yours as well. Personally, I pretty well still leave domesticity in the capable hands of Cuppa. It's easier on both of us that way.

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  2. Good one! I feel old today after my yrly exam with my doctor (who is younger than me!) I almost cried when she said we have to talk about your cholesterol. me " I don't want to take medicine". her " i'll give u 3 months to get it down. yeah starting rite after the holidays, rite? it seems my love affair with cheese may be over. what will i have with my wine now?-tofu?

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  3. This is a great list and I can identify with most things you wrote. You just have the knack of writing everything so darned funny. I'm always happy after visiting you! Even when you spill wine all over everything. Love your masthead!

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  4. i guess this can qualify for your photohunter post. :D

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  5. Equally hilarious and astute, as always.

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  6. I love the list written with humor, but oh so true in many areas. I like the part about knees, I had mine repaced. However, everything is not fixable.

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  7. You mean like he wants to consult on the shower curtain?
    That was one of our bigger go 'rounds. I still bring up how he made me CRY because he LOVED that shower curtain and was going to suffer untold misery if I changed it..... which I did...so there..

    On an unrelated note, I'd just like to say publicly how annoying that on the Blog Roll list my blog is stopped at Fuschia Carnation which drives me crazy. I visit other blogs and there it is....won't update....sheesh

    thanks for listening ;)

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  8. In my defence, and despite the statistics that women outlast men, I'm only practicing for the slight possibility that I may need to be a domestician one day, and I apparently need lots of practice: I wanted the list to be in a different order, with my item buried near the bottom where it might be overlooked. Any suggestions?

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