For the last few days I've been offline, offphone and pretty much out of contact with people. It was intentional---a stab at clearing up. Clearing up my house, my brain and my spirit.
I had thought I had a pretty good control on two of those three, but time alone (Dave was with one of the kids for a few days) proved me wrong.
I thought that 4 years ago, we had done a heroic job of downsizing only to find that there are anomalies all over the house. Why do two people in an 800 square foot condo need a 12-piece dinnerware set augmented by rice bowls, dessert bowls, kind-of-fancy hors-d'oeuvres dishes; 6 sets of summer sheets, 3 sets of winter, 4 king-sized bedcovers, myriad copies of new and dated magazines, 6 complete sets of towels plus six towel orphans; two hatboxes full of envelopes, 32 pens, two staplers, 4 cosmetic bags, 7 bottles of various kinds of shampoo, 3 of conditioner, two bottles of Windex, a basket of useless, frozen things I couldn't even recognize; 6 different largish machines that play music, 5 chests masquerading as coffee tables, full of tablecloths, napkins, doilies, candles, giftbags and clothes that need mending?
And that was just the practical stuff. I didn't even look at clothes and gewgaws. I know what and where they are. I have plenty. I didn't count them in the Big Cleanup.
When it came to clearing my brain, I failed. Two days of furious thinking, writing lists, rethinking, making promises and setting goals and I'm still not in control; same for the spiritual cleansing. All I learned from this is that I'm old, I can't seem to come to grips with that, and I'm just as confused spiritually as I was the last time I did an attitude check.
Dave is coming home today, the kids are all coming for dinner, I have been up since 6 trying to stabilize my sinking ship and the only thing I'm clear on so far is that I'd like a big roast. And I'd really rather someone else cooked it.