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Sunday, 29 April 2012

Mature is the new crisis

For the last few days I've been offline, offphone and pretty much out of contact with people.  It was intentional---a stab at clearing up.  Clearing up my house, my brain and my spirit.

I had thought I had a pretty good control on two of those three, but time alone (Dave was with one of the kids for a few days) proved me wrong.

I thought that 4 years ago, we had done a heroic job of downsizing only to find that there are anomalies all over the house.  Why do two people in an 800 square foot condo need a 12-piece dinnerware set augmented by rice bowls, dessert bowls, kind-of-fancy hors-d'oeuvres dishes; 6 sets of summer sheets, 3 sets of winter, 4 king-sized bedcovers, myriad copies of new and dated magazines, 6 complete sets of towels plus six towel orphans; two hatboxes full of envelopes, 32 pens, two staplers, 4 cosmetic bags, 7 bottles of various kinds of shampoo, 3 of conditioner, two bottles of Windex, a basket of useless, frozen things I couldn't even recognize; 6 different largish machines that play music, 5 chests masquerading as coffee tables, full of tablecloths, napkins, doilies, candles, giftbags and clothes that need mending?

And that was just the practical stuff.  I didn't even look at clothes and gewgaws.  I know what and where they are.  I have plenty.  I didn't count them in the Big Cleanup.

When it came to clearing my brain, I failed.  Two days of furious thinking, writing lists, rethinking, making promises and setting goals and I'm still not in control; same for the spiritual cleansing.  All I learned from this is that I'm old, I can't seem to come to grips with that, and I'm just as confused spiritually as I was the last time I did an attitude check.

Dave is coming home today, the kids are all coming for dinner, I have been up since 6 trying to stabilize my sinking ship and the only thing I'm clear on so far is that I'd like a big roast.  And I'd really rather someone else cooked it.



6 comments:

  1. I vote to just give up and go with the flow. Embrace the chaos! Once you go numb, it's easy after that.

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  2. I vote for the roast and somebody else cooking it, although I cook a mean chuck, my only specialty as I hate to cook. I do it on the stovetop, not in the oven.

    As for uprighting your ship, I haven't uprighted mine completely either, but I try to departmentalize, prioritize and only attack one item at a time. I have made the most progress on my spirit, and yes, it is old but at the moment more at peace than its been in awhile.

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  3. Organizing and downsizing are not for the faint of heart. I can't even organize the surface of my desk.

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  4. You've got the organizing down pat: check! And you've got to have a brain to organize, to self-deprecate, and to be self-aware: check! As for the spirit, you've been such a trooper coping with the blues - no lack of spirit there. Sure, it occasionally needs a boost, sometimes a big boost, and that's what friends are for. And every once in a while it doesn't know what it needs, friends or to be left alone, and that's when we try different stuff, and learn new things about ourselves and our inner strengths. You can concede a battle here and there to the blues, but on the big score you're way ahead. I'd chalk that up to a well full of spirit: check! Love, your other fraction. P.S. I'll do the roast, any way you like it!

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  5. You are an inspiration to me! Right now I've stopped cleaning out while my back heals. How did dinner with the family turn out?

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  6. me thinks you are too hard on yrself. it could be worse… you could be me :)
    i hope you got take out!
    xo

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