I seem to remember that in some TV program, there was a character called Lurch.
It's the name of choice for myself these days. I get out of bed and walk into the mirror 2 feet away, I scrape my own head on doorframes when I go out, I turn a corner about 2 inches too soon, I close drawers on my own hands, take one step too many on my way to the bath, I almost sat on the baby and my myriad bruises are making a patchwork surface that I'm actually growing to like.
Not only can I lurch my whole body, but I mini-lurched my arm the other day and knocked over a full glass of hot coffee on the kitchen counter---my third spilled hot beverage over 2 short weeks, I spasmed my fingers when I put on 24-hour eyeshadow, forgot I'd done it and left the house looking like I'd been worked over with a blackjack.
Ah, the Golden Years!