One of the things that makes me sad on religious holidays is my memory of having loved them, anticipated them, participated in them, and taken joy in them. I miss that. I miss that for my kids and my grandchildren, and if I let myself think about it too long, I start feeling guilty and playing the "if only" game.
There wasn't any way that things could have gone differently while I was determined to do the things I needed to do to keep strong and healthy and to give my children the future they deserved, so I don't regret leaving my first marriage even though I knew the price. I don't wish I hadn't taken the actions that were so necessary, but as I suspected I would, I did bang my head against the wall and wish it could have been otherwise, and mostly that was about the loss of the familiar and satisfying culture of the Church.
I respect people of faith---I envy them even. I've seen the strength and comfort they enjoy. Nothing has been able to take the place of faith, but I could never let myself creep in through the back door by ignoring things I'd believed to be true all my prior life.
Hmmm, I started out this post to say that I hoped this weekend had been restorative and peaceful for my family and friends. I still hope that was the case, and I think I can say it is true for me, but it's not the same.
Lorna, I recently came across this quote and I think it hits the spot...
ReplyDelete"Never regret anything. Because, at one time, it was exactly what you needed."
Wishing you and your loved ones a Happy Easter!!
xoxoxo
I sometimes have some trouble respecting the concept of faith, even though I suppose I respect the faithful whom I know. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteYou always make sense, AC; it's a jungle of thought out there.
DeleteKnowing you, Lorna, God is everywhere for you, not just in the institutional church. You are in divine order.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Fran!!!! We all take our own path to God. Mine is a rocky one.
ReplyDeleteMake the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh. -- Henry David Thoreau
I too agree with Fran. No sense regretting what you cannot change.
ReplyDeleteSince my Christian faith is an important part of my life, and includes the institutinal concept, I feel there is always room for one more person. My concept of faith including the church is a hospital for sinners which we all are--no exceptions.
ReplyDeleteYes, its members can be cantankerous, judgemental, exclusive. I searched all my life for a perfect one, and never found one. But late in my life, I currently am with one I love the most, maybe because I found it late in my life when I needed it the most.
A lot of us miss the music associated with special events connected with faith. My favorite hymn at Easter is THE HOLY CITY (The New Jerusalem). I play it over and over from a CD.
Regrets born of necessity should be placed in a FORGET file. None of us make decisions like your with weighing the positive and negative effects. The choice is usually the column with the most +'s.
Watch some Hitchens on Youtube, that will make you feel sorry for the poor deluded faithful. Religion is toxic. Knowledge is power. I can't tell you how totally indifferent I feel toward the religious. I used to hate them. Now I simply think the nice ones infected but harmless. And the gay bashing mean spirited ones dolts and charlatans. Peace
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