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Monday, 25 November 2013

Lorna looks inside and doesn't like it

Yes, I have been gone for a long time.

Yes, I am all right.

No, I'm not sure what I mean by all right.

I've hit a crater on the road of life, and it's very surprising to me that

  • the crater was so deep
  • it shook me up so completely
  • I had a hard time talking about it, although I thought about it all the time
  • it took so long to get over
  • and probably, it's not over.
It didn't surprise me that my family was very supportive; the people with whom I shared my issues were supportive and people that I was just "different" with were supportive.

It's not an unusual story.  All my life, I think, I've been committed to inclusion, and that has taken different forms.  Most recently, I got behind the LGBTQ issues and got very caught up in an organization that supports anyone who suffers because they or someone they're connected with has issues about sexual orientation or gender identification.  As sometimes happens, the organization and the person came to a barrier that seemed too hard to overcome---nothing wrong with the organization, nothing wrong with me, just unovercomeable.

It hurts.  It's left me feeling bruised and shaky; it's left me feeling less than confident about my interpersonal skills; it's left me physically relieved because I was working really hard and now I've backed off.  It's left me sad but not bitter, determined to work out how I can continue to act on my commitment, and how I can get over myself.

And just in case you think you know  the answer, I already tried the new shoes thing. 

 

8 comments:

  1. Aw ... sorry about that, Lorna. I hope you struggle out of the crater soon. Maybe this post was a first step?

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  2. Laurie Ransonette Anderson25 November 2013 at 16:11

    To everything there is a season. You're moving from one season to the next. Don't rush things. You will find your way.

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  3. :(

    So have you tried wine, I hear it's great for times like these. Or coffee and puttering around a book store. Or visiting your friends, even if it's just online?? Miss you, wish I could come visit.

    Big old cyber hug!!!!!!!

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  4. This explains better what in the heck has been going on. I'll e-mail you privately. Glad you have posted to the blog again. You're poking your head out.

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  5. I agree, blogging is a good sign.
    It sounds as if a change was required, and it had to be one of those explosive ones. I hope the worst is over and you'll soon find yourself stomping about on your sea legs again.

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  6. sending you lots of hugs and good energy.
    blessings
    ~*~

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  7. hoping you've bounced back by now. my 2 cents - you're fine, f- it. were u expecting wisdom? xo

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  8. Welcome back. I'm glad you didn't have to go into the witness protection program...:)
    Take care of your heart.

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