Lorna looks inside and doesn't like it

Yes, I have been gone for a long time.

Yes, I am all right.

No, I'm not sure what I mean by all right.

I've hit a crater on the road of life, and it's very surprising to me that

• the crater was so deep
• it shook me up so completely
• I had a hard time talking about it, although I thought about it all the time
• it took so long to get over
• and probably, it's not over.

It didn't surprise me that my family was very supportive; the people with whom I shared my issues were supportive and people that I was just "different" with were supportive.

It's not an unusual story.  All my life, I think, I've been committed to inclusion, and that has taken different forms.  Most recently, I got behind the LGBTQ issues and got very caught up in an organization that supports anyone who suffers because they or someone they're connected with has issues about sexual orientation or gender identification.  As sometimes happens, the organization and the person came to a barrier that seemed too hard to overcome---nothing wrong with the organization, nothing wrong with me, just unovercomeable.

It hurts.  It's left me feeling bruised and shaky; it's left me feeling less than confident about my interpersonal skills; it's left me physically relieved because I was working really hard and now I've backed off.  It's left me sad but not bitter, determined to work out how I can continue to act on my commitment, and how I can get over myself.

And just in case you think you know  the answer, I already tried the new shoes thing.